Awkward Silence

Some days I have a difficult time waiting patiently for the Lord. I imagine most people could say this at one point in time in their life. You know that “awkward silence” in a conversation? That silent pause when you’re having a deep discussion with a good friend and you’re waiting for them to respond next. That’s the space where I am sitting right now. I have been earnestly praying for the next trip, the next direction for this ministry. And I don’t have a clear answer from God.

I could be like some and just plow ahead making plans for a trip. But that would be my plans, my trip and a trip without God’s leading and blessing. Oh but some would say, “Plan it and He can’t help but bless it. It’s for His glory, right? It’s ministry work! He blesses all ministry work.” I do not agree with that. I’m not of the “build it and they will come” mindset when it comes to ministry. It feels a little prideful, conceited and self-absorbed to plan without the planner.

This is also not a question of lack of faith. There have been past times I knew God had called me to go to a specific place and in faith I planned a trip and purchased tickets knowing He would provide the details and the funds in His time. God has not spoken a location to me right now. There has to be some kind of direction to move in faith.

So for now, I have to be okay with this silence, this pause. I don’t have to understand it. I don’t need to fight it. I just need to rest in it. I need to keep praying, keep conversing, keep asking. Stay alert, listen, trust. Be ready for God’s reply.